Trusting God Through Infertility: Lies I Believed and Truths That Set Me Free

Are you struggling in trusting God through infertility? The road to motherhood is broken, and throughout my journey I have experienced pain and grief that cannot be measured with words. A pain that has shaken my faith in the Lord in a way that I feel ashamed to admit. My cries have continuously echoed the words of David in Psalm 13:

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I…have sorrow in my heart all the day?”

If you have walked this broken road to motherhood, maybe you have asked God the same things. During our journey with fertility challenges, and now as we are in the adoption process, there are several truths the Lord has impressed deeply on my heart to comfort me. But I wouldn’t have known these truths if I hadn’t first believed lies.

I am trusting God through my infertility journey by recognizing lies I believe and embracing truths that set me free.

1. Lies I believed-I must be doing something wrong.

If you have been in a season of waiting on the Lord to grow your family, then you know what I mean by the words all consuming. There are daily, even moment by moment reminders that you are trying to have a baby and it’s not working. So maybe if you change your diet, and while you’re at it, your cleaning products, skincare products, shampoo, deodorant, and even your kitchen storage containers. Anyone else?

How about exercising more, or relaxing more? Try taking these supplements, or going to this other doctor. Then the new doctor suggests trying a different “position”. In reality, they have no idea what you haven’t already tried in the month after month before coming to them. If you’ve been here, you know what I mean. It’s excruciating.

In reality, it goes past the physical things that you “try,” it becomes very deep spiritual battle. Maybe you try to bargain with God, or you think that He hasn’t answered your prayers yet because you didn’t ask Him in the right way.

This is me. In short, the lie that I am so prone to believe is that this is in my hands.

“What am I missing?”

I know in my head that God is in control. Still somehow I think that by being obedient to Him and doing my very best by all of my efforts, I can twist His arm into answering my prayers right now, the way I want Him to. Now please don’t hear me saying these are bad things to do, I think these are all good things. By all means, follow when God is asking you to do something!

For me personally though, I find myself drawn to a pattern of thinking if I do all the right things I will get the desired outcome.

2) I believed the lie that God must not care about me.

In the midst of this flurry of trying to do and pray all of the right things, I find that years have passed. My heart and my arms feel emptier every day. And I begin to ask God questions.

“God, do you not care about me?”

While Scripture is filled with promises of blessing and promises of asking and receiving, I find myself feeling utterly desolate. I am walking through seasons of grief so deep that I can’t think of a single word to speak to my Heavenly Father. Day after day, month after month, year after year I have pleaded and poured out my heart before the Lord relentlessly, yet He seems silent.

The question that David begs of God in Psalm 13 is a real, deep, heartfelt cry of anguish and lament. “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?”. Never before in my life had I questioned God’s love for me. But here I sit wondering if He has abandoned me. 

It is through these dark moments that God has shown me the light of truth through His Word, and taught me two precious truths. My infertility journey isn’t about me and he cares for me with a depth of compassion I can’t even fathom.

1.The truth that set me free- I realized my infertility journey isn’t about me.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”-Jeremiah 1:5

God has a plan for the children that will become my sons and daughters, whether through conception or adoption. He has numbered their days and numbered the hairs on their heads. He has a time appointed for them, just as He appointed Esther for the time she came to the kingdom.

Why do I worry His Almighty plan is not working out, and could be because I haven’t eaten enough broccoli this week?

My God is the God of infinite power and wisdom.  This journey is about Him.

The God of whom Daniel says: “Blessed be the name of God forever and ever,to whom belong wisdom and might. He changes times and seasons; he removes kings and sets up kings;he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding.”-Daniel 2:20-21

If God removes kings and sets up kings, and if the wisdom of the wisest on earth comes from Him, than I need not worry about His plan being spoiled. Especially not by my weaknesses. Because I seem to remember something about His power being made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9).  

2. The truth that set me free – Jesus LOVES me.

“You have kept count of my tossings;Put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?…This I know, that God is for me.”-Psalm 56:8-9

The deepest, most precious truth that the Lord has been teaching me is His care and compassion come to me from His own aching heart. Jesus walked this earth as a human being, in order that He could identify with my pain.

He knows, He feels, He understands.

When I grieve and struggle with the question of “Why?”, God isn’t there to say “You don’t have enough faith is why.” He doesn’t wag His finger at me with, “You haven’t learned the lesson yet is why.” Add whatever condemnation you’ve been saying to yourself. NO.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”-Hebrews 4:15-16

My Savior, my Heavenly Father, my Comforter holds me in my sorrow. He has endless deep compassion and love towards me in my distress. Where I find His love and compassion shining most brightly, is in His Word.

David’s 13th Psalm ends with this: “I will sing to the Lord, Because he has dealt bountifully with me.”

May you experience the bountiful goodness and love of the Lord as you walk with Him through your journey to motherhood.

Father God, the ache in my heart is deep and dark. Day after day the reality of empty arms causes me to doubt Your goodness and my worth. With my whole heart, I will trust You for a plan that I don’t understand. I know Your way will be for my good and your glory. Give me strength as I continue to walk by faith and hope for my future as a mom. Thank you for loving me in ways that I can’t comprehend. To You belongs all the honor, glory, and praise. I trust you with my broken journey to motherhood. In Jesus’ Name, Amen,